TECHNOLOGY

1.
“It was about to be my first ‘single on
Valentine’s Day’ in a really long time,
and I was not stoked about it. It’s not
that I even cared about the holiday, but it felt like this giant reminder of my
up everywhere I went. Like
Hallmark was mocking my sorry ass. So,
I did what all miserably sad people do. I
decided I’d download Tinder. I started
messaging back and forth with this one
dude. From his pictures, he seemed cute
and athletic. We shared a love of
paddle-boarding and other aquatic
sports. It was a fun, flirty distraction. I
didn’t even have an intention to meet
up with him, but then he asked if I
wanted to hang out on Saturday. And
Saturday was Valentine’s Day. We both
kind of laughed about it, said it would
be low-key and not a big deal. He said
he and a bunch of friends were going
out to a bar, and that I should join. This
was my first date since I’d split with my
ex and I was trying not to freak out, but
I was. I get to the bar, see my date, and
yes, he’s very cute. But guess who I see
sitting next to him? My ex. Because
apparently they are friends.”
— Viv, 26
2.
“In high school, I was very stupid (as
most teenage boys are.) I was hanging
with a bunch of friends because one of
my buddies was dumped the day before
Valentine’s Day. We were underage, so
we didn’t obviously have a ton of access
to alcohol. But we were determined to
get drunk and lament over our sad love
lives. One of our friends found a gallon
of mint extract in his house and told us
all it had methanol in it, and therefore
we could probably get drunk of it. We
drank it. It was disgusting. We did not
get drunk. And we spent all night
throwing up.”
— Brandon, 21
3.
“In 7th grade I wrote a Valentine’s
poem for my crush about wishing I
could ask him to be my Valentine but I
was too shy and signed it ‘anonymous.’
I left it on his chair before class when
no one was in the room. When he found
it he was with a popular girl. They read
it together; she yelled ‘Gross, I bet
Annabelle is the one who wrote it!’ They
both proceeded to ‘eww’ and he threw it
in the trash can.”
— Annabelle, 29
4.
“An hour before going out to a fancy V-
day dinner, I found out my boyfriend
had been cheating on me for more than
6 months. His phone rang. I answered it
because he was in the shower and it’s
not uncommon for us to do that. I
thought we had no secrets. It was an
unsaved number and a girl wondering
who the hell I was. Needless to say, I
canceled our reservations for the night.”
— Fatima, 25
5.
“One time I made Geoff Bird a
homemade Valentine’s Day card and he
gave it back to me and said ‘No thanks'”
I was 9.”
— Catherine, 24
6.
“We had tickets to a Broadway show. I
ate something that disagreed with me
and shit my pants while running to the
bathroom. And to make matters worse, I
was wearing a thong.”
— Lisbeth, 27
7.
“Freshman year of high school dateless
me designed and printed up a bunch of
‘badges’ with Spike from Buffy The
Vampire Slayer on them. They read
‘Love Bites.’ I tried to give them out to
other single people. They were not
popular.”
— Maya, 28
8.
“Last year I spent a few hours excitedly
waiting for my bf to visit me on
Valentine’s Day. I made him chocolate
covered pineapple and wrote him a
card telling him I loved him. When I
asked what he got me he replied-
‘nothing.’ Thinking he was kidding, I
start laughing like a maniac along with
my sister. After that, just dead silence
and awkward glances were exchanged.
Then he asks ME to make dinner
reservations for us. Glad we broke up.”
— Tina, 20
9.
“It was amazing…until she switched it
up and tried reverse cowgirl, totally
overestimating her abilities. We ended
up in the ER all night because I was
convinced she broke my dick. We soon
stopped seeing each other after.”
— Christian, 32
10.
“I was stood up. Not the worst thing in
the world, but there’s something extra-
cringey when it’s the one night you are
SURROUNDED by lovey-dovey couples
and the waitress just keeps looking at
you like you’re a wounded puppy.”
— Kenny, 29
11.
“My ex came to visit me at work at my
old restaurant job one Valentine’s Day
with an adorable teddy bear and Russell
Stover chocolates. I made some kind of
remark about how I didn’t like Russell
Stover chocolates because they’re too
sweet (in retrospect, I think I was also
thinking of Walt Whitman chocolates —
great poet, crappy chocolate), and like
wildfire my terrible reaction to my
boyfriend’s sweet gift turns into the
laughing stock of the entire restaurant.
A decade later, old work friends still
bring up to me what a snob I was. I’m
always like, ‘I’ve repented enough, guys,
okay!?’
And I still have the teddy bear. I’m
really not a jerk, I swear.”
— Skylar, 26
12.
“Last Valentine’s Day I was single and I
was like, ok this day will suck but it will
be fine. So I decided to have a treat yo
self day and just do what I felt like
doing. I got a giant bottle of wine and
some snacks, lit some nice candles, and
laid on the couch reading Twilight. I
had an agreement with my roommate
(who was newly in love) that she wasn’t
going to come home that night because I
didn’t want her shoving her awesome
relationship in my face. WELP. I am
just settled into Twilight when her and
her hot af boyfriend pop in to see how I
am doing. and I was like, ‘Hi, I’m a
loser reading Twilight and drinking
alone.'”
— Maureen, 28
13.
“For Valentine’s Day I wrote my
boyfriend of three years a song about us
growing old together. The next day he
Skyped me asking to be in an open
relationship.”
— Deena, 24
14.
“I take Ambien to sleep, and on
Valentine’s Day I had a few glasses of
wine. It was a pretty average day. I was
seeing someone, but casually. We had a
good date. I went to bed, took my
Ambien. I guess the alcohol + Ambien
was not my best idea because I woke up
with zero memory of calling my ex
boyfriend 5 times in the night. Oops.”
— Lola, 31
Cataloged in Awkward Dates , Bad Dates , Break
ups, Cringe-Worthy , Dating , Funny Stories ,
Humor, Romance , Valentine’s Day